OK, as I had mentioned earlier, there were a lot of things going on in my life that made me put this blog on hiatus. Perhaps the worst one being having little to no internet service. See, when you don’t pay your bill they cut you off. Losing my connection to the outside world was just one of the many things that happened in the previous months that almost made me say fuck it all.
No, I am not talking about cashing it in, so to speak, I was just at the point where I wanted to give everything up, hide in my bed and let the world go by. So for a few weeks that’s exactly what I did, well almost. I didn’t stay in my bed 24/7 but I did shut myself out to the world for a while, admitting only a few so as not become a total hermit.
In some respects, it gave me plenty of time to think and come to grips with my situation and decide to regain control of things I let got so long ago. One of them being my life and where I was headed.
You see, since my divorce I made some major decisions based on what was best for other people and not for me. I allowed how other’s lived their lives to affect the quality of mine. Needless to say, there were some very serious consequences to some of my decisions. Perhaps the major two being, not being able to live the life I wanted and needed to, but also being pushed into very severe financial situation.
Although it’s going to take me years to straighten out my finances and get back my credit to where it was and should be, at least I have a home to live in. Yes, there are several judgments against it that must be paid when I do sell, but at least I am working my way back out of that whole.
I am also starting to reclaim my life. There have been some very hard decisions I had to make along the way, but in the end hopefully everyone involved will eventually benefit from them. If not, I know that I finally did what I should have done years ago, and that is make others responsible for that actions rather that always coming to me to “fix” things. I learned that by being “Mr. Fix-it” and the mediator for all those around me, I slowly gave away my life, my soul and my dignity.
Well let’s just say that things finally came to a head are slowly turning around. Time lines and goal dates have been set along with an understanding that those who previously depended upon me, must now depend upon themselves or find someone else to leech off of. I am also doing my best to not allow the decisions of others to affect how I live my life.
I NEED to be who I am and what I was meant to be before it’s too late. For too long I have lived my life for others and hid in their shadows. I have begun to see the light of day and I WANT TO GET A TAN!!! LOL!
As time goes by I may or may not go into more detail as to what all led to this, but for now I am just not ready yet to share some of the harder decisions I had to make.
In the meantime, take care and CYA!