A few people have asked my why I have chosen to tell my story via a “public” blog site rather than a personal diary especially since some of the things that I have talked about and plan on talking about are things that normally aren’t shared publicly. At first I couldn’t come up with a good answer to their question other than to say, “Who keeps a diaries these days?” Then I though about it some more and I realized there are many people who still keep diaries. So, I had to dig deeper and I realized that for me at least, this is the best way to go forward with my original intent and that is to finally come out to my family and friends. You see, too many years I have kept my “secret” personal and to write my thoughts in a locked book, hidden under my bed, only helps to keep that secret from becoming front and center where it should be. It’s harder to take back your words when you see them in print and much harder to back out of you goal when you know others are reading your words. It also helps to have the active encouragement via comments to keep me focused and not loose sight of my goal.
Over the past year or so I have been reading the blogs of many out and proud gay men. Men, who have their own stories to share in their own unique ways. Some have been out for years to everyone they know, others out to only a few and others still in the process of coming out like me. To me, these men and their blogs have been my mentors. They have taught me that there is nothing to be ashamed of who and what we are. Some have very poignant stories about their past. Others show that yes, even a gay man can be mundane in their every day life and others show that even the smallest events in their lives still can be “FABULOUS!”. Some have taught me that to live in the past is to stop living in the present. Although they have honored their past with stories and remembrances they also acknowledge that their past is part of who they are today. Their most important message is that you have to keep on going and never give up in the face of adversity. Whether that adversity shows up as family members who have rejected them, to HIV and AIDS, which has taken many of their friends and lovers and maybe someday even some of them, to the Right-Wing religious zealots or the homophobe at work; they still maintain their dignity and are proud of who they are. I strive to be like these men, some of whom are years younger, but much wiser and stronger then me. So, to these men I want to say thank you. You have helped me in ways that you will never know and with your guidance I hope to be at least as proud and self assured as you are and hopefully pass on your gift to someone who is just as scared and unsure as I am now.
Who are some of them you ask? Although I read over 20 blogs on a daily basis (all of them top notch IMHO), there are a certain few however that standout in my opinion and they are:
- Tornwordo – Sticky Crows
- Dirk – Too Disgusting to Contemplate, Too Compelling to Ignore
- Joe – Joe.My.God
- Kevin – Kevin’s Protected Truth
- CB – The Mangina Monologues
- Kevin – Actorschmactor
- Topher Payne -Maybe it’s Just Me
There have been others along the way, who sadly for one reason or another have quit the blogging world. Some have finished what they have had to say, some have died and others just logged off quietly without reason or rhyme. However, they all share the same theme and that is, “I’m gay and proud of it!”. Hopefully soon I can count myself among their ranks.